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Frogs, Farts, and Feral Children

Posted by Silly Mama on




  1. 1.

    (of an animal or plant) living or growing in the natural environment; not domesticated or cultivated. Feral.

OK. That's it! You people who stand and watch us parents with the crooked pony tails, gum stuck to our butts, and wild things with sticky faces hanging out of our shopping carts...Move it along! Nothing to see here! REALLY!

With all due respect. Get over yourself.

Obviously, due to your parenting awesomeness and the perfect example you have set, your child is a rule-follower and perfectly behaved in all circumstances. Congratulations and many peaceful (boring) days to you and yours! I (apparently) am afflicted with children who are a little "wild". Seen differently, they are natural leaders who question things, push boundaries, test limits, seek justice (sometimes wrongly with a fist, a stick or water balloons). No, unlike yours, my children are quite unruly. They are thousands of reckless miles away from perfection. And I am the first to admit that the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. When one of my sons "lets one go" in public, and quickly blames it on one of his brotherss, I am apt to burst out in giggles. I could say I am trying my best, but some days I am not. Some days I put myself on the "medium" parenting setting and ride the day out. 

So there! Am I negligent? Am I lazy? No way!

My child's silliness is not an indicator of my real efforts to teach my children manners, respect for others, empathy, kindness and (hopefully, eventually), social graces. It just means that they are taking the rustic, dirty, sometimes treacherous back-road through childhood. The important thing isn't that their shirt is on right-side-out. What matters in our family is that our children have empathy, they are thoughtful, and they are kind (most of the time). We are doing our best as parents (most of the time) to help them thrive (and survive). Brushed hair and clean shirts can come later. When they start dating. In 100 years.

They are boys (yes! I am using that as an excuse! AGAIN!) Do you HAVE three boys under the age of 9? If not, SHHHHHHHHHHHHH (to infinity).

Show me a parent who can get three prepubescent boys out the door to school in the morning, all with brushed hair, fully dressed in clean clothes (all right-side-out), lunches packed, all school forms signed and in correct backpacks AND also has time to check if they have THEIR pants on right side out...and I say something is UP. Either they are up all night (due to undiagnosed OCD) arranging outfits for their kids for the next day, and lining up toothbrushes and backpacks (in which everything is labelled) OR they are hiding extra help. Secret closet nanny. It's the only explanation. I can get it right about 2 out of 5 school days...the rest are anyone's guess how it will end up.

We have three of the "little fellers". It's odd-man-out every day of their lives! There is constant competition. It's a never-ending play-date. Not the beginning of a play-date when everyone is getting along...more like the end when everyone is tired, grumpy, the kids hate each other and you are wondering when it's going to be over. There is hockey tape, underwear and Lego everywhere. Often, these items can be seen flying through the air, or hanging in a tree in our backyard. No joke.

So, next time one of my kids drops one (a bad word, a fart, or maybe even a frog or snake) around your well-behaved, clean, and freakishly quiet child, remember that I don't understand your child's behavior and how it got like that anymore than you understand my child's behavior and how it got like that. Maybe you think I haven't disciplined my children. That I haven't taught them proper hygiene. That I "model poor behavior" because I talk too much, express my opinions, act silly, let them leave the house with dirty faces and inside-out shirts. Well, I am suspicious of how on earth you got your children to be so quiet. And so clean. All. the. time. All I can think of is Captain Von Trapp from the Sound of Music blowing his military whistle.

Your house is like the Von Trapps before Maria came. Ours is full of edelweiss, and Lego.

So go on, leave us alone, go do flash cards, make a vegan quinoa casserole, update your manners chart...

We are going to the pond to catch some frogs. Which we may or may not put down someone's shirt. And maybe we'll wear outfits made out of curtains.