As a parent of three boys, I learn so many things that I likely wouldn't have, had I chosen to not have children. Some of the things I learn are wonderful. Like how to get down on my stomach and really look, I mean REALLY LOOK at a how slow a slug moves across a sidewalk. Or how to sing "the Alphabet Rap", or how to build a replica of Hogwarts out of old Lego...
I have learned all kinds of new things since my boys came into my life. Beautiful, creative, helpful, sacred, interesting, inspiring things.
And, I have learned many, many gross things.
For example, my knowledge of the life-cycles of various parasites is extensive. I am WAY more knowledgeable about lice and pin worms than I ever wanted to be. Ask me, and after I barf a little, I can draw you a diagram of the "phases of development" of those terrible little creatures from nit (gag) to "mature louse". I could also tell you a lot about the mature louse, because I dated a few in my 20's...
Recently, I found myself in deep denial that our household had a bit of a "situation" involving the dreaded "pin worm". One night, as a chorus of voices rang out from bedrooms;
"Mom! My bum is itchy
So is mine!",
I looked at the dog, who was doing what dogs do (do I have to say it?), and realized that we had a problem.
So, I set off to the pharmacy and the vet's office to buy some de-wormer for all the boys in my life (except my husband of course, because he washes his hands, and doesn't kiss the dog, so he was all-clear). I walked up to the pharmacist,leaned in close ,and glancing around, whispered "I need some de-wormer for my kids. They have worms...and I might too". To which she replied (through her invisible loud-horn)
WHAT KIND OF WORMS DO YOU HAVE?
Cringing, I thought to myself, What do you mean what kind? The kind that live in you-know-where! The ones that nightmares are made of?!
I replied "I'm not sure, pin worms, round worms, earth worms, maybe all of them?"
She shook her head and said, "you have to find out what KIND of worms they have".
I said ok, and walked out of the pharmacy thinking, Dear Lord, give me strength.
The vet didn't ask what KIND of worm. She just gave me the "every kind of worm" pill. The toxic, "blast-anything-in-the-shape-of-a-tube out-of-your-gut-pill."
Yes friends, if there is one thing I have learned about war with parasites, it is that this is no time for fairy-pairy, all-natural, non-toxic remedies. If they are living in you, on you, or around you, the time for natural preventatives (which I do believe work) has passed. Lice, worms, fleas...they laugh at Pinterest-inspired remedies. No, these little wretch-inducing disgust-oids call for chemical warfare. Seriously, after having dealt with lice, fleas and worms, I really believe you have to go chemical or get ready for re-infestation.
So, I went back to the pharmacy. It was a different pharmacist.
"It's pin worms" I said.
He replied, quietly this time, "It doesn't matter, this medication gets them all"
"Huh. Give me three boxes then..."
So you see, as a parent of three boys, I am constantly learning (mostly about germs, parasites, and wound-management). I like to look at it as though I am getting an "honorary degree" in various subjects, depending on the lesson of the day. I am working on several honorary degrees:
Biology - with a focus on the life cycle of parasitical bugs and generalized fecal contamination
Mathematics - with a focus on counting back from ten and creating "color patterns".
Forensics - with a focus in "missing Lego persons" (which, incidentally, are usually found in dog-doo, which explains the worms...)
Keep learning everyone! And remember, whatever the pharmacist asks, skip the part with the flashlight, and just say "it's pin worms".
Ok, ok...that was super gross, so let's turn our thoughts to the Holidays! Check out www.sillysouls.com for awesome new baby and toddler gift sets, baby-soft leather shoes and Santa Sets!